Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You pole danced in your parka.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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