hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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