if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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