we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
