She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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