It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
