and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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