morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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