Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
