im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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