Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just gift wrapped bread.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
