4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
