I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
