I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
