I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Randomize
