this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
