I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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