thus making me awesome and them whores
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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