i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
