we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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