if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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