Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
