I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
