Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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