I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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