i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
