I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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