Hey man sorry I got all grabby
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
