Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
