Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
