Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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