I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
