Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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