I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
