im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
