Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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