i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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