the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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