I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
