Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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