I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
