The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
