I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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