Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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