It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
