Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
