Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
