I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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