I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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