Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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