there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
